This BLISS. This FREEDOM

Assalamulaikum

I always think that i know who really am i, but i actually don't. Once something fell apart, the beast or the beggar came out out of nowhere. I beastly furious and blame everything. Or i beg that thing just stop from ripping what's left of me that is already fragile.

I was so proud once. I was so proud that i got good grades, Dean's List, Best Students. I accustomed to be the intelligent student. I thought being a good student is making me happy, making me the one i've always wanted. Until i was no longer a good student.

I have lost motivation for 2 years. I have no interest in living the adventurous life i once teenage-dreamed, i just surviving. I have no interest in exploring new things or read new knowledge. I have no longer pushed myself to do my best.

All is just because i am no longer a good student. 

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Today , something snapped out of me. Is this what i always wanted to be? Is this all of it, the complex system that is making me a person, is just a system of wanting to be a good student ? 

So who am i ?

All the virtues that i act, the belief that i hold, the way i treat people, the way i perceive tests, types of food that i consume, things that i love, stuffs that can make me cry or laugh, things that are in my head, my religion, my family,

are actually AUTHENTICALLY ......ME .

Why does not being a good student is ripping so much of my time , my energy, my self-esteem,  my confidence, my pleasure, my enjoyment, my LIFE ??

Since when it has power over me ?  Who gave the permission to rip me so bad that i felt so damn empty for few years ??

I was so blind. I was so damn blind. I could not open my eyes, my ears , my heart to all of the merriment, contentment and joy.

I was shallow.

Now i have awake

I have woken up in this bliss.

I know the truth now.

Be careful of what and who u give power to.

In this indecent world, where authorities are held by pigs, u are a prisoner, a victim. 

UNLESS U GIVE POWER TO YOURSELF. 

HOLD IT AND WEAR IT LIKE AN ARMOUR.

You don't live anyone's life and they don't live yours.

U HAVE THIS POWER TO MOVE THE WORLD AROUND U. It's in your head. 

The key is your MIND

Rasa macam satu beban lepas dari dada aku. Rasa macam satu penjara dah terbuka. Rasa cam hijab terbuka. Tak tau macam mana nak explain benda ni.

Aku rasa .......merdeka .

Wassalam

- pis is taken from here -

I read this 

I snapped

I bestir

=)