Marriage

Salam.

MARRIAGE.

Ihave a very different idea about marriage. 'Early marriage ' is something that i truly DISAGREE. All da 'be my imam', 'mr.arrogant', 'prince charming' or whatsoeva fancy name is truly not my cup of tea.

It came to the point that I DONT WANT TO GET MARRIED. Its true.

I watched 'her' sufferin thru out her life. Her pain, her tears, her children, her health, her hair, her money, her gold. All gone. Because of one man. N i watched him. Demanded everything bestowed upon his feet. He needed to be served emotionally, physically, sexually, his stomach needed to be filled, his needs must be fulfilled.

One fine ramadhan was a day when i decided to learn to be a woman at age of 21. There were only fatin , him, him 2, n me. I learned to manage everything from households, foods, grocerries, clothes, dishes, study. N to watch men did nothing but demanded to be treated like a king.

She was forced to do banks' loan. Lots of it. Shes now officially blacklist. Thanks to him. She sacrificed EVERYTHING for her children. I mean everything. Even her fair skin n her light brown curls . She got beaten up. Woke up from coma. She did abortion. She got pale n skinny n ugly. She hid her tears. She forced herself to B strong for her children. & dats da only reason why she still hold on.

PARADOX . LIBERAL. Two harsh words u can label me. But i dont care.

Listen. I wanna tell u about my dreams. I will graduate at age of 25 n a-pharmacists-will-be at age of 26 after i got my license, in sha Allah. I will further my studies in Master of Business/Management & i will work in Industry. MayB cosmetics or nutritions. I will buy a fine house n decorate it with fancy things. I will buy a car small enuff juz for me & my parents at the back sits. All da money i have, i will spend for VACATION, FANCY STUFFS & my PARENTS. I will have assets ( eg tanah, houses) .

I wish having child is as simple as IVF with sperm taken from any sperm bank and walllaaa pregnant !! Muhrim? I juz buy any hormons n get a breast full of milk n be an 'ibu susuan'.

I dont see any man besides me in the future. I dont need one.

For now.

All the things u juz read SCARES me as well. This juz crossed the line of normality. My dream is to swim against the wave but i will never survive the tide. I cant go odd.

Im sorry if this posts is kinda disturbing to u as it is to me.

Believe me i wanna change dis thoughts. I dun wanna walk in dis shoes of hatred towards men. But not now. I dun care about marriage . For now.

For now.

Wassalam.