on 09 April 2011
i guess, i dun noe, if i stand on ma feet rite now, or am i juz floating, agonily? i dun noe wats inside me rite now, despair? dismay? if luv, why throwed all da harsh words? if luv, wats with da shaking hand while typing dis post? yes, my hand is shaking...but inside, im dis another drama? or its juz me cant think rite now? yes, i cant think rite now...i juz , mumbling? mumbling bout what? i feel, so, hurt? hurt? do i? do i? those words juz keep replaying in my head....and my heart beats rapidly........i cant think of suitaible words rite now...neither do da rite feeling....i dun noe what should i feel rite now.......i dun noe anything.....what do i noe is, NUMBNESS.....hah, wait a minute, why should i feel smthing? he, doesnt hve da feeling u wanted him to posses.....he, hates, u ...ya, right, why should i feel smthing? ders no feeling, juz numbness.....n, i cry 4 what? bcoz he hates me? bcoz its painful? bcoz im feeling so blur & i cant think rite now? do i cry bcoz of da numbness? yeah, its painful, but im not sure whether dis pain is real or not......why its painful? bcoz, he said he hates me...bcoz he owez says all da harsh words to me......n somehow dis world is shifting....i dun feel da same anymore....wats with da uncertain? coz i noe it all along dat harsh words are common? yes, i get used to it....yeah, dats da answer....but, if im so used to it, why do i feel pain? maybe.....maybe....maybe each time he cursed, i owez put hope n pacified myself dat he didnt meant to say it, n he wont repeat da same thing, no, bcoz he luvs me....but still, those words neva stop...n they hurt each time........stop whinning sayang, stop dis drama....its ur fault rite? yeah, its ma fault...but dat juz ma flaw...him as flawless luv, dats what i think...but he cant do same........he cant do da same.....can he? if he can, then why did he say those 3 words, I HATE U ? do u really hate me luv? really? im falling as cascade, as those words overturn ma wonderland....n, im laying, numb...hah, not exactly lay, as im writing dis post rite now, rite ? u really hate me? 

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